literally drowned
Apparently, not doing so good. Life has been so tough ever since I've stepped in the path of High-school. These 5 years are so challenging and exhausting. And here comes to the last year of my high-school which 7 days more and I'll be leaving. Not going to cry over for the school but my classmates and memories I had in this school. I always tend to stress myself over little things too much and it caused me looked like a pessimist. Throughout this 5 years, I've fallen more than 10 times but I still got up and keep my feet moves. It upsets me a lot. No, I mean some people in my school upsets me a lot. Like, friends come and go, betrayer stabs and go, and loves come and hits. It headache me a lot whenever things bound to happen over me. I don't know why, but probably I've been crying over people who threaten me that I shouldn't be deserved you know... That feeling is bad and chucking inside that not any words could describe how bad do I feel. Nobody going to bother about your feeling and people gonna take your existence your goodness for granted. Life is mean but why does it have to be so mean, too mean towards me? I'm going absolutely insane and nobody has ever notice that. I'm literally drowned into the fragile line, getting heartbreaks and being ignored by people whom I loved so much. I'm sorry if I sounded like Im blaming everything that people caused to me. No, no people caused these mess but I do not have the ability to conquer all these obstacles. Sometimes, people get to forget about that I've feelings too. Nobody going to bother, not. I tend to struggles over these hard times all by myself, and cried myself to sleep through the hard times. I kept so much things inside my heart, and not telling anyone because nobody is going understand how do I feel. When I tried to show out my feelings, I get ostracized by people. It's hard to cope with these feelings. People be like, "oh, why do you get yourself so negatively?" But honestly, do you know how painful it was? It hurts A LOT.
Friends come and go. Yup. I'm having this problem. I never thought that we'll be separated. I was so wrong to believe your faithfulness towards me are all good. No, you're pretending. I bet you're tired to pretend that you feel good towards me. You betrayed my trust towards you. Why, why would you even choose your boyfriend over me. It sadden me up when I knew the truth behind all your fake smiles. You turned into somebody that everyone hates. Talking with sarcasms, being mean towards me. All your deed are so scary. You've turned into a cunning woman, doing all the stuffs to hurt me and literally taking advantages on me. Why? You said you wouldn't be like others. You said you would be my best listener, you said you would talk to be when I needed somebody. But all these promises turned into a broken promises. Sighs, you're so scary.
Love comes and hits. Yes, exactly. It hits on your head,your nerves, your body, your eyes & your heart. My heart is bleeding. Can't you feel the way as I do? I put so much efforts to keep this relationship going and growing, but all you think was my efforts is a bore. It hurts so much to think that you actually loved me. I'm silly enough to think that everything was right to me. I get upset easily because I cared. I know, I shouldn't care. But how do you expect me to keep my eyes close when I seen something that actually breaks my heart and I still have to keep myself silent? You only know how to point my flaws when things has messed up. You never thought about how bad it is for me to endure all these. I'm not even complaining that having long relationship is tired. I tried my best to maintain this relationship, but have you see my efforts? You said that I only knew how to vent the anger towards you when I get so furious. But have you ever try to stand on my position and try to fit into my shoes and feel how tough am I? I tried to give you all the freedoms you demanded. I tried not to be so attaching towards you, but have you ever try to feel me how frustrated am I? Every night I cried to myself and mumble about all the sobers toward myself. I never wanted to tell you how unhappy am I. Does all my sacrifices doesn't even worth your attention? I don't know how to make you feel any happier or anything. I'm tired to make myself feeling so heartbreaking.
Nobody understands how hard am I going, nobody.
