honestly?
Probably I've been missing about 3 months more.. and I'm truly sorry for my absent. It's been a really tough and hard session I'm going through. Struggling over life's obstacles even tho I'm done pursuing my High-school life. There's advantages and disadvantages leaving the school. I've to bear with the everyday emotions and nags that given by people. It's so pressuring listening to all the bores spoke by people. Kind of, unbearable this.
So, Hi. I'm back in here when life hits me with problem. I can never really tell how I feel instead here's the best place for me to rant all my disagreements and unsatisfying stuffs. I know it's so wrong to complaint everything that happens behind me, but how am I suppose to bear,cope,accept it while it's literally killing me every night. It haunts me whenever it gets to night time and I barely have a good sleep. Having this unacceptable nightmare happens to me, such as getting abused by the ridiculous mobs and whatsoever shits. All these craps are messing up my life my mind my everything,so tormenting. I can't, i honestly can't accept it anymore. IT IS ABSOLUTELY PAINFUL. Yes, pain.
Pain. Is something really deep, and indescribable until it happens to you. Pain, is something you cant speak out through your mouth neither to type it out. It is something that gonna cause you in this miserable feelings, and the ache is much different than you thought about. It is NOT something like getting a minor injury from falling down, a minor sickness, or something like, you hit ups. It is something that only tears could speak out deep down from your heart. Something that you have to cry out loud to express the pain you have inside and not able to express it all through this one time crying. You have to suffer every night before sleeping, you eventually will cry out loud and all the sobers still cant get off from your soul or either your heart. You feel seriously lethargic, but still not able to sleep because the sobers still insist of haunting you. Keeping yourself not to cry every night is never easy. Because crying doesn't help you to get out from the problem, but it does release the pain you're having. The pain released wouldn't last long either, it's just something that could keep you stay away from pain just for a temporarily time. Having an absolute misery mindset is tiring. The misery is just, incredibly insane.
Going through a really hard time, but not being able to tell people is really tough. Sometimes, telling you not to go over life like this, you wouldn't even want to listen. It's hard to keep myself on track while I've pointed out so much mistakes and you still not going to rectify and change yourself into a better one. Not demanding for a good one, but removing the bad characteristic is the main point that I've been nagging all the time. While my concerns and advises for you turned into a bore, an over-controlling your life. In fact, it's not about changing your life, but changing the attitude towards your life is important. Bad habits lead you into a bad pathway. But maybe, I'm done telling you. It's coming to an end. Laura, you should stop giving so much concern over him.
Feeling so much disrespected. Never really feel comforted nor loved because the way to threaten is seriously bad. Having so much misery and not able to tell you is even worse. You're one of my soul-mate, but not having any some personal time of telling how much depression I've been through. Enduring all the buzz around you is hard. I can not and never accept that friends over gf. This is me. I can't. Because, in my own principle, you're one kind of my another soul, and indeed I have to tell you everything I'm facing, but throughout the distance and time, it's solely separating us. Hanging out with you and hope to bond our relations, but it ended up tearing us apart.. Or, it is me the only one who cares too much and caused everything into an end?
I don't know. I'm frustrated. I'm tired of having depression.
Can I just not going it over and over again? I just want somebody to appreciate my existence, was that hard to keep?
