honestly?
Probably I've been missing about 3 months more.. and I'm truly sorry for my absent. It's been a really tough and hard session I'm going through. Struggling over life's obstacles even tho I'm done pursuing my High-school life. There's advantages and disadvantages leaving the school. I've to bear with the everyday emotions and nags that given by people. It's so pressuring listening to all the bores spoke by people. Kind of, unbearable this.
So, Hi. I'm back in here when life hits me with problem. I can never really tell how I feel instead here's the best place for me to rant all my disagreements and unsatisfying stuffs. I know it's so wrong to complaint everything that happens behind me, but how am I suppose to bear,cope,accept it while it's literally killing me every night. It haunts me whenever it gets to night time and I barely have a good sleep. Having this unacceptable nightmare happens to me, such as getting abused by the ridiculous mobs and whatsoever shits. All these craps are messing up my life my mind my everything,so tormenting. I can't, i honestly can't accept it anymore. IT IS ABSOLUTELY PAINFUL. Yes, pain.
Pain. Is something really deep, and indescribable until it happens to you. Pain, is something you cant speak out through your mouth neither to type it out. It is something that gonna cause you in this miserable feelings, and the ache is much different than you thought about. It is NOT something like getting a minor injury from falling down, a minor sickness, or something like, you hit ups. It is something that only tears could speak out deep down from your heart. Something that you have to cry out loud to express the pain you have inside and not able to express it all through this one time crying. You have to suffer every night before sleeping, you eventually will cry out loud and all the sobers still cant get off from your soul or either your heart. You feel seriously lethargic, but still not able to sleep because the sobers still insist of haunting you. Keeping yourself not to cry every night is never easy. Because crying doesn't help you to get out from the problem, but it does release the pain you're having. The pain released wouldn't last long either, it's just something that could keep you stay away from pain just for a temporarily time. Having an absolute misery mindset is tiring. The misery is just, incredibly insane.
Going through a really hard time, but not being able to tell people is really tough. Sometimes, telling you not to go over life like this, you wouldn't even want to listen. It's hard to keep myself on track while I've pointed out so much mistakes and you still not going to rectify and change yourself into a better one. Not demanding for a good one, but removing the bad characteristic is the main point that I've been nagging all the time. While my concerns and advises for you turned into a bore, an over-controlling your life. In fact, it's not about changing your life, but changing the attitude towards your life is important. Bad habits lead you into a bad pathway. But maybe, I'm done telling you. It's coming to an end. Laura, you should stop giving so much concern over him.
Feeling so much disrespected. Never really feel comforted nor loved because the way to threaten is seriously bad. Having so much misery and not able to tell you is even worse. You're one of my soul-mate, but not having any some personal time of telling how much depression I've been through. Enduring all the buzz around you is hard. I can not and never accept that friends over gf. This is me. I can't. Because, in my own principle, you're one kind of my another soul, and indeed I have to tell you everything I'm facing, but throughout the distance and time, it's solely separating us. Hanging out with you and hope to bond our relations, but it ended up tearing us apart.. Or, it is me the only one who cares too much and caused everything into an end?
I don't know. I'm frustrated. I'm tired of having depression.
Can I just not going it over and over again? I just want somebody to appreciate my existence, was that hard to keep?
literally drowned
Apparently, not doing so good. Life has been so tough ever since I've stepped in the path of High-school. These 5 years are so challenging and exhausting. And here comes to the last year of my high-school which 7 days more and I'll be leaving. Not going to cry over for the school but my classmates and memories I had in this school. I always tend to stress myself over little things too much and it caused me looked like a pessimist. Throughout this 5 years, I've fallen more than 10 times but I still got up and keep my feet moves. It upsets me a lot. No, I mean some people in my school upsets me a lot. Like, friends come and go, betrayer stabs and go, and loves come and hits. It headache me a lot whenever things bound to happen over me. I don't know why, but probably I've been crying over people who threaten me that I shouldn't be deserved you know... That feeling is bad and chucking inside that not any words could describe how bad do I feel. Nobody going to bother about your feeling and people gonna take your existence your goodness for granted. Life is mean but why does it have to be so mean, too mean towards me? I'm going absolutely insane and nobody has ever notice that. I'm literally drowned into the fragile line, getting heartbreaks and being ignored by people whom I loved so much. I'm sorry if I sounded like Im blaming everything that people caused to me. No, no people caused these mess but I do not have the ability to conquer all these obstacles. Sometimes, people get to forget about that I've feelings too. Nobody going to bother, not. I tend to struggles over these hard times all by myself, and cried myself to sleep through the hard times. I kept so much things inside my heart, and not telling anyone because nobody is going understand how do I feel. When I tried to show out my feelings, I get ostracized by people. It's hard to cope with these feelings. People be like, "oh, why do you get yourself so negatively?" But honestly, do you know how painful it was? It hurts A LOT.
Friends come and go. Yup. I'm having this problem. I never thought that we'll be separated. I was so wrong to believe your faithfulness towards me are all good. No, you're pretending. I bet you're tired to pretend that you feel good towards me. You betrayed my trust towards you. Why, why would you even choose your boyfriend over me. It sadden me up when I knew the truth behind all your fake smiles. You turned into somebody that everyone hates. Talking with sarcasms, being mean towards me. All your deed are so scary. You've turned into a cunning woman, doing all the stuffs to hurt me and literally taking advantages on me. Why? You said you wouldn't be like others. You said you would be my best listener, you said you would talk to be when I needed somebody. But all these promises turned into a broken promises. Sighs, you're so scary.
Love comes and hits. Yes, exactly. It hits on your head,your nerves, your body, your eyes & your heart. My heart is bleeding. Can't you feel the way as I do? I put so much efforts to keep this relationship going and growing, but all you think was my efforts is a bore. It hurts so much to think that you actually loved me. I'm silly enough to think that everything was right to me. I get upset easily because I cared. I know, I shouldn't care. But how do you expect me to keep my eyes close when I seen something that actually breaks my heart and I still have to keep myself silent? You only know how to point my flaws when things has messed up. You never thought about how bad it is for me to endure all these. I'm not even complaining that having long relationship is tired. I tried my best to maintain this relationship, but have you see my efforts? You said that I only knew how to vent the anger towards you when I get so furious. But have you ever try to stand on my position and try to fit into my shoes and feel how tough am I? I tried to give you all the freedoms you demanded. I tried not to be so attaching towards you, but have you ever try to feel me how frustrated am I? Every night I cried to myself and mumble about all the sobers toward myself. I never wanted to tell you how unhappy am I. Does all my sacrifices doesn't even worth your attention? I don't know how to make you feel any happier or anything. I'm tired to make myself feeling so heartbreaking.
Nobody understands how hard am I going, nobody.
Karen
This post is specially typed for one of my close friend, a girl with a baby thinking, hilarious personality and a friendly heart. I can't say how amazing is she. We met each other since Junior One,2009. Which, our first met contained with a memorable memories. I can't say how important is her existence for me, because without her my life wouldn't such complete. I'm so grateful to have a friend like you, listening to my complaints and all these gossips throughout the same haters. I simply love her cute personalities and funny reactions. I thank God for giving such great friend to me. Even though we're not in the same class for this 5 years, but we're still sooooo close, like siblings! Thank you for the birthday gift. I'm here to share you my gratitude, your card are amazing&pretty decorated with the candle and cuttings! I appreciated so much for all your efforts on this little card. You know what? When I finished reading your notes, I ended up crying :( It's such a sad moment that we'll be separate after 16 days. I can't even imagine how am I suppose to live without you girls :< You eventually made me cried over your card, it's so touching and heart-warming. I promise, even we're miles apart, we'll still be on the same distance, skyping each other whenever there's a free time or holidays! I just pray you girls wouldn't forget my existence even though I'm not around you girls and going to the canteen and joking each other.
Thank you so much, your card's font is beautiful and it's not messy at all. I see efforts throughout the fonts baby. I know you gonna cry over me when I'm leaving the school and this beautiful KK. Remember as always, we'll be sticking each other like a super-glue. Not breaking up and not going to forget each other alright?
Last but not least, thank you, thousand of Thank you for this cute stuffs <3 I will use it and show you what I wrote inside! Remember you told me we'll swap the notebook after finish writing? Yessss, we've to! :)
Uncountable Thank you for everything you've made for me, I love you!
Our Friendship will never break, no matter thunder strikes on nor heavy rains, we'll still go through this obstacles.
Thank you Karennnnn <3 :)
opsssss, I purposely posted this because, I like how "decent" we are in the photo :p
clean-up day
Hi there! Nothing much about my lifestyle or something interesting events to talk about. But then, I worked out something and it actually satisfied me so so much. As you can see my title up there was about a "clean-up day" and so I actually made an effort to clean up my make-up table and all these messy accessories. I don't really keep my things tidy and clean, but when a sudden interest hits on me, I actually meant it.
Basically, I've took half an hour to clean up the whole table. It's so messy and I used to simply place it somewhere which is empty and then I ended up loosing them and I can't even find them out. So, I decided to get some compartments to place into the four decks of drawer and keeping them all tidy and in the right corner. The most headache part was the 2nd part till the bottom, counting down from the upper part. It's placed with a lot of the hand cream & my facial treatments. I am a skin sensitive user, with an oily skin. Which my skin don't accept over moisture and I've to use something that's 100% oil-free. Somehow, my forehead is a disaster. I called it disaster because I've so much pimples on my forehead. That's why I've so many different drugs in my drawer to cure my face's acne.
Next, I use make-ups as well. No, I don't use heavy make-ups but a light touch-up on my face which is with these pimples crowded on & some redness around my face. In another way, I like tan skin a lot. So I always ended up putting on some tan-foundation on my face! uhhh, i just liikeeeee having a tan skin :/
Alright, I'll just cut my story short. Here's some of the before&after photos!
Before;
After;
That's all! This is an overall looking after cleaning up those unwanted stuffs :) ! It looks so much better and more comfortable & the most important thing is, more space for me!
hohoho enjoy! x
disappointed day
Hello again! Today was kind of good & bad day for me. So, today is a public-holiday for the Hari Raya Haji. Mom brought me & my bro went to the mall and it was so crowded and that's kind of ruined my mood. All these stores are having promotions & big sales! Bought two pair of long jeans (something like a jeans and leggings) which only cost me Rm38 for two pieces! The normal price was Rm39 for each and it's on promotion with Rm19 for one piece! That's kind of satisfactory for me getting a new long jeans/leggings.Not having much items today, just walking around in the mall and trying to do something more productive but it ended up like, so so and not that productive. Another little thing that cheers me up that I actually got a free gift from Guardian, which mom bought something with the price over --- ! The mysterious gift is kind of exotic. It's with a bottle of Garnier facial wash, L'Oreal 's eye shadows, Dove's free trial soap bar, a Scotch refill tap (i get really shocked when I saw it, it's like seriously? a magic tapper?) and a pair of Dove key-chain. What impressed me the most was the Dove key-chain! It's a pair of couple chain with the Dove sign, how lovely?
Oh, until the part that frustrated me a lot. During the night time, I was planning to celebrate my super duper belated birthday after the meal, and mom actually get my wishlist done. So on the Monday afternoon, I went to buy the Baskin Robbins' ice cream cake, and I store it into the cooling section *which I do not know that the ice cream cake HAVE TO place into the FREEZING section* and when I open the next day(Tuesday), the whole cake actually melted and the shape of its cake has turned into a really unpleasant looking.. I can't hold but cried.. It's so heart-aching watching the cake I've been craving for so long and it turned out that way.. I'm sorry, I made a promise during the previous post that I would post up the celebration but now I do not have any pictures & I actually failed to celebrate.. uh, I'm sorry.
No worries, I'll post up the belated presents soon alright!
It's time to stop, it's lateee even tho I'm not having school tmrw. I'm tired yet, really frustrated.
Goodnight.
Breakouts from the hell.
So, it's Saturday! Not productive at all, spent my morning session in the school taking exams and the afternoon was, blasted nap. It's about a week I'm not hanging in the mall, I guess after the exams going off a spree would be perfect for me! Oh yes, mom is going to get me Baskin Robbins' ice-cream cake! It's a belated celebration, but its fine at least I could grab a chance and blew the candle! It's year probably the last year I'm celebrating with family, and the next year would be myself all alone :( so, why not pamper yourself well? What I wished to receive during my birthday was, a mug from him & a new watch from dad and an ice cream cake from mom! Uhm, I don't sound greedy right? This is the most simple gift I wish for :)
Well, will update some photos after the belated celebration! See you soon :)
X goodnight.
Deepest regards
Happy 26th Monthsary Baby 
It's another good day to be remembered and to be talked about. So, time flies just like a blink of an eyes, and I can't believe it's already October. Here comes to the 6th, and it's our monthsary! It's 26th! How fast it was? I can't imagine that we've been through so much ups and downs together, a lot of obstacles and so much crowded roads & paths. Thank you so much for this 790 days. You gave me so much enchanted memories that nobody could replace and take away! I thank God I actually had somebody that concern about me all the time and giving me so much love and take cares when I'm all alone and frustrated. As time goes by, I'm falling for you more than you thought of. Thank you for guiding me through this hard paths, you're the most amazing guy that I could have. Thank you so so much. I can't wait to reunite with you already :( 77 days more and we'll see each other again. Let's pray that time will goes faster and we're gonna say bye to long-distance relationship!
Guess what? It's our last PE and I actually manage to snap some photos before I'm leaving! It's my last PE yet my last year in the school snuggling around. I don't know why, but whenever I close my eyes, and think to the first day I'm coming to this school, and start nagging how long more do I have to endure until I could leave this bloody school. And in the end, I literally burst myself into tears. Leaving high-school doesnt sounds cool anymore. Because, it known as you're separating with your close friends. People says "High-School friends are going to be your future's only friends." I'm like, NO? I don't wish to separate with them. It tears me up and actually upsets me a lot. They're like my family. They cheers me up whenever I'm frowning over little stuffs or whatsoever. How can I just, leave them like I have to? 
Can't ask and demand for more but thank youuu! I hope our memories will be always remembered and treasured.
Indescribable gratefulness towards you.
Uncountable Thank You to you. We knew each other since Primary 2. My childhood joys filled with you as well! Now, after 9 years we're still playing and joking around with each other. Now, when people asks me who're your close friends? I would said, "She's not only my close friends but my siblings as well" ! I still remember the first day we met. In the class and sitting near with each other! You're a new transferred student from somewhere. And we started talking to each other and that's the time we get attached with each other. I remember your first crush during Primary 2, and I couldn't stop joking about it even tho I'm Seventeen already, I eventually laugh when I talked about it. Then, here goes to the Primary 4, we get elected as the school Prefects and we worked together! *hohoho what makes me get so happy is, our school doesn't go with the class reshuffling and that's the reason why we don't get separate* So, Primary 6! We're still same class and sitting near each other and going off to the Canteen together! Then, during the year ends, I'm glad that we're going to meet each other in the High-School. As time beep beep goes, we're Junior 1 ! And surprisingly, we're back to the same class AGAIN. Oh, God destiny us to the same class again! Junior one, was the most mischievous of us. Mingling around, pissing teacher,cheating during exams,and doing things that goes against the school rules. Then, we got separated during Junior 2,3 & Senior 1. But then we got into the same class again this year! What a miracle that you're actually accompanying me finish the last year of my high-school. You were the one Start off my Junior One and the one who End off the Senior 2's life. It's so great that you're my closest yet my greatest listener whenever I frown over my relationships. You were the only one who would listen to my sober during the late of night and still Skype with me and comfort me. You were the one who protects me like a sister and love me like your sister as well. You came across to my life and filled so much enjoyable and memorable moments with me. We slacked during lesson and you even sacrificed yourself and swap seat with others :') thanks man! You're such a good friend that I've knew in my entire life. Tho we might have some arguments, but it gains our trust and understanding! You are the best gift that God gave to me as well :')
:') And, Thank you for passing my birthday EVERY YEAR since Primary 2. You gave me too much to treasure. Thank you for the video you've made for me. I can't find a place to express my grateful and all my best regards to you, so I've decided to write at here. You actually sacrificed your study time and made this video for me. The video contains so much memories. Since 2009~2013. Thank you honey, you actually walked a lot of hard days with me and be my best towel when I cried. I can't believe that we've to separate and step towards the society. I actually cried over you :( ! I don't wanna leave you and going to further study without you. I wish you could be my side all the time, and study together, sing together, curse together and do whatsoever stupidity together instead myself :( Sooner, I'm leaving this school and I'm going to study overseas, we can't get with each other so often like we does randomly :( How am I suppose to live without your nags your hating FANGIRLINGS over these korean bands? I hope that you'll actually pursue your further study with me since we've the same interesting course! And honey, no matter what goes through, I'll be my your side and be your listener. If you ever needed a shoulder, I'm here :) I would be delighted to listen to you! Let's swear, we're not going to separate even we're far apart :) ! Thank you for everything.
Thank you for the 
video! Love you.
video! Love you. 
Alright. It's my turn to express. It's good to know my baby and my friends. I can't believe that High-school's life is going to end like that. 27 days more left and I'll be waving & saying goodbye to Sabah Tshung Tsin Secondary School. Thinking back to the past, this school brought too much amazing peoples to me. Eg: Aaron yong jun yee . I can't believe our love story start from here :D It's so heartwarming knowing you from here and it's my biggest pleasure to know you as my boyfie. You're also the one who filled so much high-school memories to me! Like, bringing lunch box, going canteen with each other, studying together and more! Too much ups and downs I've been suffering and it's actually came to an end. Thank you Tshung Tsin for bringing so much good days and bad days to me :) Tho you're quite hating with some of these hating teachers around, but you still raised me up with a lot of knowledge.
Thank you Baby
Thank you Abby.
Thank you Friends.
Thank you STTSS.
I hope my post won't bored you :) enjoy!
